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Free Will Astrology
by Rob Brezsny
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ARIES
(March 21-April 19):
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ARIES
(March 21-April 19): With gleeful regularity, the tabloids
have been publishing photographic proof that numerous female
celebrities have cellulite. Recent additions to the list include
23-year-old Christina Aguilera and 22-year-old Britney Spears. I
predict that this trend will lead to a revolutionary shift in
perception: Cellulite will be regarded as a mark of beauty—a
seductive tattoo provided by nature itself. Many women will
actively seek to cultivate it. I urge you to adapt this vignette
as your official metaphor of the week, Aries. Take something
you've thought of as a weakness or embarrassment, and turn it
into an asset.
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TAURUS
(April 20-May 20):
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After consulting with my think tank,
I've decided to temporarily decommission the bull as your power
animal. Until the equinox, the rabbit will take its place. It's
the only creature that makes symbolic sense for you right now,
when both your libido and fertility are turned up to record
levels. There's also another reason why the rabbit suits you. In
many mythic traditions, the creature is regarded as a crafty
trickster that uses playful stratagems to turn every situation to
its advantage. This approach should be your modus operandi in the
coming weeks.
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GEMINI
(May 21-June 20):
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Historians estimate that at least 25
percent of all the gold ever mined lies at the bottom of the
oceans, stuck inside ships that have sunk. Similarly, Jungian
psychologists believe that in the depths of our psyches, there
are great treasures moldering away, unclaimed by our conscious
egos. For you Geminis, this September is the diving season—the
time when you're most likely to be successful if you descend
into the murky abyss and try to retrieve those lost riches.
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CANCER
(June 21-July 22):
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The Cassini-Huygens spacecraft has
been flying around the planet Saturn recently. Reporting on its
explorations, a story in USA Today had the headline
"Saturn Offers More Mystery, Less Certainty." I
photocopied it and sent it to my astrological colleagues, many
of whom suffer from a misguided certainty about Saturn's
meaning. They dogmatically insist it's a harbinger of
contraction and limitation—an oppressive tyrant sucking the
fun out of life. But my research suggests the real story is more
complex. Saturn can actually be a benevolent guide that pushes
you to be truer to yourself. It helps you shed mediocre
pleasures and trivial goals that distract you from your
high-priority dreams. It forces you to be ruthlessly honest
about what's most important to you. I wanted you to know these
fun facts, Cancerian, since the ringed planet is in your sign,
and will remain there, nudging you to develop the discipline
that leads to more freedom, until July 2005.
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LEO
(July 23-Aug. 22):
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In 1810, an
inventor in London originated the technique of sealing food in
tin cans to keep it fresh. His idea came into wide use in 1846,
when companies began to mass-produce food in cans. But there was
no such thing as a can opener until 1858. For 12 years, then,
consumers had to make awkward use of hammers and chisels to
liberate their food from the newfangled containers. This story
line is an apt metaphor for your current situation, Leo. Some
time ago, you got hold of a potentially valuable resource, but
you have yet to discover how to make it work for you in the best
possible way. The coming weeks should change that, though. I bet
you'll finally find or create your equivalent of the can opener.
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VIRGO
(Aug. 23-Sept. 22):
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In Greek mythology, Narcissus was
the gorgeous demigod who had no desire for intimate
relationships but fell desperately in love with his own
reflection. From his name comes the word narcissist,
which refers to a person who is excessively self-involved, has
an inflated sense of importance, and compulsively craves
admiration. I've always suspected that Virgos are the least
narcissistic sign in the zodiac. Many of you underestimate your
self-worth and don't treat yourself with enough loving kindness.
In fact, I sometimes get a mischievous urge to advise you to be more
of a narcissist—like now, for instance. Here's an experiment I
wish you would do: Spend 20 minutes in front of a mirror telling
yourself how beautiful you are
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LIBRA
(Sept. 23-Oct. 22):
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Libran author William Faulkner
(1897-1962) regarded his book The Sound and the Fury as his
"most splendid failure." For a long time, the public
didn't do much to dissuade him from that view. The book sold just
3,300 copies in the 15 years after it was published, and by that
time most of Faulkner's other books were out of print. I believe
the current state of your fate has some resemblances to that time
in his life. On the other hand, your destiny in the next 12 months
will have more in common with what happened for Faulkner in 1949,
when he won the Nobel Prize for Literature, and sales began to
pick up. Just as The Sound and the Fury had much to do with
his award, I believe one of your own "splendid failures"
will be a key to the renaissance you'll enjoy.
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SCORPIO
(Oct. 23-Nov. 21):
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In reviewing the filmCatwoman,
the San Francisco Chronicle's Mick LaSalle coined a
phrase that describes a mood many of you Scorpios are now prone
to: festive pessimism. Frankly, my dear, I would love to talk
you into shedding that state. It may give you an aura of murky
intrigue, but it's so much less than what the astrological omens
say you could possess. The fact of the matter is, the cosmos
wants to bless you with an abundance of emotional riches right
now. If you agree to suspend some of your jaded attitudes and
cynical ideas, you'll be showered with experiences that will
justify a full-blown outbreak of festive optimism.
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SAGITTARIUS
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
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Soon the stakes will be higher, the
rewards greater, and the judges tougher. You'll have a chance to
show who you really are in a bigger, bolder way, and that
will be exhilarating. But you'll also be expected to show
who you really are in a bigger, bolder way, which could
be daunting. The key to success is for you to concentrate so
hard on the fun parts of the challenge that you'll render the
scary parts irrelevant.
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CAPRICORN
(Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
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Between North and South Korea is a
long, narrow strip of land called the DMZ. Designed to be a
buffer zone where all human activity is prohibited, it has
accidentally become a nature preserve beloved by white-naped
cranes. The area is a paradise for the birds because it has an
abundance of undisturbed marshland and is free of predators.
Luckily, the cranes are so lightweight that they're in no danger
of detonating the many land mines buried throughout the
370-square-mile area. Everything I just described is an apt
metaphor for a situation or state of mind that's now available
for your use, Capricorn.
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AQUARIUS
(Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
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"If you want to give God a good
laugh, tell Him your plans." So says an old Yiddish
proverb. While that rule often holds true for most people, I
believe you'll be exempt from it in the coming weeks. God is
currently very receptive to your schemes, especially if they
emphasize your readiness to give more beauty, truth, and love to
the world. In fact, the more precisely you formulate an
intention to be generous and soulful in everything you do, the
more likely it is that the Creator will laugh with you,
not at you, and cheerfully conspire to assist you.
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PISCES
(Feb. 19-March 20):
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"Creativity
is allowing yourself to make mistakes," says Dilbert
cartoonist Scott Adams. "Art is knowing which ones to
keep." According to my analysis of the astrological omens,
Pisces, August was your time to embody the first part of Adams's
formula. During these past few weeks, I hope you gave yourself
permission to unleash many fertile boo-boos. September, on the
other hand, should be devoted to carrying out Adams's second
proposal. Which of August's missteps might have marked the raw,
imperfect appearance of ideas that will eventually turn out to
be useful and brilliant?
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